In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
