I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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