Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
