Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
