i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry my hands just texted you
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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