I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
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just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
i out mim tonsoeep
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