I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
