so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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