I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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