dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
