She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
