Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
