You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
