I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
