if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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