How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
