my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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