I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
