And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
