he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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