people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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