just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
