At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Randomize
