and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
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