Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
