New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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