I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.