No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
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I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
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He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?