If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
