I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted