Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
