Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
