I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
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As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
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How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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