you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
