I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize