just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize