Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
