I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
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Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
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I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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