I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
