Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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