She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
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His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
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Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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