im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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