I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize