So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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