That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
