i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
