Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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