so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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