I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I fill condoms, not promises.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
