You don't have asthma, your pregnant
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
