I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
