do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
