I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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