The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
