that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
im holly from the hills drunk
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
