When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
