I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
