The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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