filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
