Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
