I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
