It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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