the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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