I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
my poor anus
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
