So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
