Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
