Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
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She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
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Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
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