I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
you would pick up someone in the library
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
