so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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