like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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