I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
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This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Also, beer. Big fan.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
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Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
as a side note pls kill me
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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