we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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