Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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