last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
