Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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